My little Lady Bug....My Adilyn Grace

A daughter is a bundle of firsts that excite and delight, giggles that come from deep inside and are always contagious, everything wonderful and precious and your love for her knows no bounds.
-- Barbara Cage

 Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express.
-- Joseph Addison

 

Dear Adilyn,

I've never really wanted or expected much from life. I never really cared to be rich or famous, or an astronaut, let alone any of the other things kids wanted and expected to be when they grew up when I was a kid. Though to be honest, I did want to either be a Ghost Buster or a Top Gun Pilot thanks in part from both the movie and because my dad worked on fighter jets for the Air Force. In all reality, all I've ever wanted and dreamed about for my life was to fall in love, get married have a special bond with my wife, and to start a family. After waiting for so long and going through so much pain and hurt in my life,  I thought it was never going to happen and that I would die early and alone. but I loved, I found purpose and then I met your mom. When starting a family, the one thing I wanted most was a little girl. My own little princess that I could love, cuddle, and dance with; now I have you. You are an answer to so many prayers little one. I never really felt love like I do for you and your mom since I first saw you come into this world. I feel that the love I feel for you is a tiny taste of what God feels for us and I have such a hard time holding that in, especially when I can make you smile. You are so beautiful inside and out and I cannot wait to see how even more beautiful you become as you get older.  I know that you're a special spirit and why Heavenly Father entrusted me to have you, I will never know. You're my little angel sent to redeem me from my past and what I've done; I want to thank you for that and even more to God for you and for trusting me with you. 

I am so afraid that I am going to hurt you or ruin your childhood and I will never forgive myself if I ever do. Also know this;  if anyone ever hurts you, ever, I will multiply the pain they inflict on you a hundred times fold unto them no matter what the cost is to my well being. I do not want this world to ruin your special spirit; you are the closest I've ever felt to heaven here on earth and your very presence is more intense then anything I've ever felt before. I know you won't be perfect and I never expect you to be; but I do expect you to be better then me and reach for the very stars themselves if you so desire. Please be respectful to your mom at all times because she is my other and better half and she gave me you which I will forever be grateful to her for that. I have so much love and respect for what she went through in order to have you. I know you won't understand any of this until after you have children of your own, but please, think about all of this when you get mad at us or upset for whatever reason because we will always act in your best interest, even if you don't see it. I do not look forward to possibly arguing with you as you get older as you have my heart like your mom does; know that anything mean and hateful you say will break my heart. 

Please know that as you get older that I will always be here to talk and more importantly, here to listen to you. I will never judge you for what you decide to do but I will be disappointed if you end up repeating the same mistakes I've made in my life. Please also know that you can always come to me with any issues you're going through and I will always be honest with you about things that I've been through. Whatever you decide to do with your life and the mistakes you make in the process, know that I will always have your back and will be here with open arms to help you through it and all I ask in return is that you always learn from those mistakes, use that knowledge to help someone else, and that you are happy as you go through this life. 

One other thing I must ask of you is this; when I make a mistake and if/when I hurt you, please forgive me and please understand that I will be learning how to be a father as you learn how to be yourself. I remember the day you where born I had to change you diaper; I never changed a diaper before and I was so afraid that I was going to hurt you that I felt like I was going to throw up and my body was shaking so bad that I could barley hold on to the diaper. It took me almost twenty minutes to change your diaper and you cried the whole time, I felt horrible. These days I can change your diaper in about a minute, well unless you wiggle around too much because right now you seem to find that all too fun to do to me. Speaking of doing things for you right now; I love coming to get you after your mom has bathed you. I will come and scoop you up into your towel and dry you off, then put lotion on your little body and then dress you. I also love when you fall asleep in my arms and I can lay there and admire you, when you smile at me and scream or giggle with joy when you see me. I cherish these times with you right now. I look forward to dancing with you, hugs from you when I get home from work, seeing you grow, learn, and showing me with pride the things you invent or make. I look forward to seeing you serve a mission should you decide to, to baptize you before that, but I don't know if I will ever look forward to letting you go so you can go into another mans hands, please make sure he takes you to the Temple. 

As I write this, I can't help to to tell you that I feel like my heart is literally going to burst from the happiness and love you give me when I even think of you, let alone what it's like to hold you. Adilyn, I love you so much and I know that this letter doesn't even come close to how I feel or what comes to my mind when I think of you or see you. I hope that throughout your life, I can show you just how much more there is then what is contained into this letter. 

I love you

Love,

Your Daddy

Aunt Haley holding you after you where born.

The first time you looked at me, you took my breath away.

I was in awe as I held you.

You in your blessing dress the day I blessed you.

You and daddy taking a nap.

You and mommy cuddling

Just after a bath, I love your look and your beautiful eyes!

My Angel